Come on, come on!
- Like that? -Do it harder!
Faster!
Use both hands!
I am!
Come on!
Don't stop, keep going!
Just let me... Fuck, fuck.
Blow in his mouth!
You're supposed to blow in his mouth!
- Patrick, I've got this.
- We weren't doing anything gay.
-How old is he?
- Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, I am fucked!
- What exactly have you had?
- Coke, vodka, MD,
we had some poppers, oxycodone, Vicodin, Klonopin,
and he was drinking that stuff
with little gold flakes in it.
You know, golf leaf.
- How much cocaine? - I don't know, a lot!
Listen to my voice.
There was just a bowl of it.
- What's his name?
- Uh, I don't know, Pedro?
- Pedro.
Christ, you don't even know his name.
- Don't snap at me, this is very stressful.
- Okay, can you roll that thing up?
You're flapping it really close to my face.
- If this comes out, I'm dead.
It's, it's over.
I can't do this, man. - Patrick!
If this comes out, I'll get crucified!
Patrick!
I'm gonna die!
If you kill yourself, I'll fucking kill you.
I can't take this.
I'm done, I'm done.
- Ugh!
-I'm sorry.
- Are you okay?
Good.
That's for getting sick on my dress.
Now get it together.
As for you,
wake the fuck up!
Patrick?
Room service!
- You ordered room service?
- I've got blood sugar issues!
Everything all right in there?
- Just leave it in the hall, please!
Go get dressed, right now.
No lampo, por favour.
I'm just gonna put this down right here.
- Mr. Andrews.
- There is no Mr. Andrews, hon.
- Mr. Andrews.
I tell.
- Here's what's gonna happen, okay?
You're not gonna tell anyone about Mr. Andrews,
because Mr. Andrews wasn't here
and you have never met Mr. Andrews.
It's a favour I'm asking, and in return,
I'm not gonna have you arrested for solicitation
and thrown in prison,
where you'll get to do exactly what you're doing right now,
but for a hell of a lot less money.
Oh, you understood that all right, then.
You can stay here tonight.
I'l take care of the hill.
You can order room service, you can use the minibar,
knock yourself out.
But tomorrow, you fuck off and we'll hear no more about it.
Deal?
- Deal.
- Oh, one more thing.
Let's get rid of these, shall we?
Is that all of them?
- Yes.
- Thanks, Pedro.
Left down the corridor, to the service elevator,
I'll have a cab meet you at the end of the street.
- Thank you for coming, Robyn.
I don't know what I'd do without you.
- All right, come on.
Buenas noches, Pedro.
- Morning, Auntie Robyn!
- Oh, Jesus!
Hi, sweetheart.
- You smell funny.
- You look funny.
- I made up the bed in the spare room for you.
Couldn't make it that far?
What time is it?
- Six.
- There was a crisis at work.
Course there was.
- Morning, Rob.
Morning!
- Radiant as usual.
- Hey!
- Naughty Auntie Robyn!
- Hey, that was your fault.
- Okay, Kelly can have fruit or toast
or one of those Frubes if she really wants one.
- You're not working today?
- No, she's letting me work from home this morning.
- Daddy daycare.
There's coffee for you.
- Thank you.
- Me.
Is everything all right?
- Peachy.
Okay, let's do this.
- Are you sure you don't wanna take a shower?
You smell like a stripper, doesn't she?
- I'm okay.
- Auntie Robyn, you dropped this.
- Oh, thanks, babe.
Can't have my coffee without my sugar.
Thanks.
- Are you effing kidding me?
- Fuck!
Ow! - Hey!
- Eff.
- Kelly, let's make some toast, darling.
Come on.
- You like yours strong.
- Don't, Robyn!
Not in my house.
- I swear, it's not mine.
I confiscated it from a client.
Hey, those are mine!
- You'll get 'em back.
- There is an extra bottle for Teddy in the fridge.
There is backup if you need it
in the freezer, it's dated... Freezer, I know, darling.
I think I can cope... From the oldest date first
and move forward... Looking after our children
for a morning. - Because you know I want it
to keep until - All right.
If I'm not at work by eight,
Caroline will have me chemically castrated.
'Kay.
You good? - Absolutely.
You? - Yep.
-Let's doit.
- Good to see you, Rob.
Hope it, uh, all goes well this morning.
I'll be thinking of you.
And you, of course.
- Bye. - Mwah.
- Be good for Daddy.
Mwah. - Can we have pancakes?
Can't have pancakes, sweetie, it's not Sunday.
- Let's make some pancakes.
- Shades might be a bit much.
- At least I made an effort.
- What's wrong with this?
- Nothing, if you're a high-end prostitute looking for work.
- 1 didn't know we were supposed to dress
like Jackie Onassis.
- I don't know, this, here?
- You ready?
- Wait!
Hey.
Should we say something?
- Like what?
- I don't know, like a prayer.
What?
- A prayer?
Okay.
Hey, shh.
We shouldn't have left.
We shouldn't have let her.
- You and me, kid.
Oh shit.
-No, it's fine, it's fine.
You go.
- Hello?
I love you.
I love you, bye.
Yes?
Mm-hmm.
Yep.
♪ It's not even dark yet ♪
♪ The sun's in the sky ♪
♪ But I was thinking ‘bout tonight ♪
♪ Need a little something ♪
♪ To help me get by ♪
♪ Being with you makes me so high ♪
- Is she in? - Office.
Come.
- Morning, Caroline.
- Does this make me look like a lesbian?
-Uh...
No, it's lovely.
- You misunderstand.
I want to look like a leshian.
It's for a benefit for leshians.
- Oh, well in that case, with the right hair...
- What lesbian are we talking, Ellen or Portia?
- The second one?
- Someone's trying to sell a story on Anthony Henderson.
- Again?
Who is it this time? - Oh, I don't know,
some fame-hungry twiglet with puffy lips and sad eyes.
Wouldn't normally be a problem,
but she says she's got pictures.
- Course she does.
- As you know, the papers have a creaking drawer
full of women waiting to cash in
on their one night of wild, forgettable sex with Mr. H.,
and once those floodgates open,
Noah himself won't be able to save him.
We have our fists in the proverbial dyke.
- And she's not happy about it, I get it.
Why can't someone else deal with him?
- Because you, my dear, are the best we have.
Plus, you're the only one in the office
he hasn't screwed yet.
- What if he tries to screw me?
- Then you screw him.
Or you politely decline, like a big girl.
I don't care.
This isn't a sleepover.
All I care about is that every housewife in the country
has a dozen of his cookbooks on their shelves,
and they frig themselves to sleep
over what a devoted husband and father he is,
so let's not burst their bubbles
or his 21 million a year turnover
by exposing his myriad human failings.
Just get this in the ground today,
before the hashtag Henderson poked it up me too
lights up the Twittersphere.
I don't care if that's Jesus himself
asking for your hand in marriage.
There's only one person allowed
to touch their phone in this office,
and you're looking at him.
You're meeting Henderson at the Wondoon in half an hour.
Brush your teeth first.
Christ, you've got lovely skin.
I'd kill for your skin.
I mean literally.
I would kill you and peel if off if I could.
- Caro... Tell me you didn't
open that door without knocking first.
-I'm so sorry,
just there's a terrified Scottish girl
waiting in reception for you.
-Ohyes.
I got you a new pet.
- Hi, I'm Robyn.
You're gonna be with me.
- Hi, I'm Melody.
It's nice to meet you.
- Let me give you the tour.
So what do you know about us?
- Okay, um, Mills Paulson PR,
you've got offices in London and L.A. and New York,
you cover everything from media training
to brand management, career strategy,
and specialising in crisis management.
- We don't use the word crisis, we call them challenges.
Now, the woman in the Death Star is Caroline,
she's the boss.
If you ever see her smoking inside, don't mention it,
and when she sends you out for lunch,
she wants fresh steamed broccoli
and salmon sashimi from Taro.
Make sure you put the chopsticks in the bag.
She won't use them,
but she'll be offended if they're not there.
Eve, this is the new intern, Melody.
Melody, Eve.
- Hi, Eve.
- Oh God, look at that.
Did you dress yourself?
- Play nice, pumpkin.
- She looks like she's been kidnapped by a murderer
and dressed in his mother's clothes.
No offence.
- Right.
Um, can I get you anything?
Coffee or something? - I'll have a coffee.
- She can get her own coffee,
but I do need you to get hold of the woman
who claims to have pictures of Anthony Henderson
and buy them from her.
I'll email you the details.
- Right.
I will get onto that right away.
- Decaf flat white with oat milk please.
- Okay.
Should I... Do the thing I said.
Ignore her.
- Maybe one of those protein balls, I missed breakfast.
A fruit bar?
The pics, okay?
- Christ.
How much are we paying her?
- We're not.
She's an intern.
- Are you kidding me, nothing?
I need one of those in my flat.
Do they come in boy?
- Six months, here for the experience, no money.
The little Cambodian kids that make your knock-off Hermes
make more than that.
- How dare you?
I only buy handbags made by free-range children.
And we all had to do it.
Well, I didn't,
because my father plays golf with lots of important people,
but everyone else does.
So you're on Henderson?
- News travels fast.
Have you dealt with him much?
- When you say dealt with,
are you asking if I've visited the boneyard?
I cleaned up his mess with one of the TOWIEs.
We ended up in the back of his estate.
I've still got a scar on my forehead
from when I hit it repeatedly on his kid's booster seat.
- You're a classy lady, Evie.
- One tries her best.
- Okay, I better go.
The world won't save itself.
- Lunch?
I'm spending the morning with Connor McGregor.
He's decided he wants to write a children's book
about a shy cockerel who gets bullied by all the chickens,
‘cause he's got the funny thing on his head, see.
What do you call that? - Comb.
- Comb, right.
Anyway, the cock then finds self-respect
by taking up mixed martial arts.
I shit you not.
- What is the obsession with writing children's books?
Surely there's a better way to get your kids to love you.
Mm, apparently not.
- It's a date.
- Don't bone him.
No juice?
- Um, you didn't ask for a juice.
- First impressions count.
- So next up we're gonna knock up
a classic Henderson household dish.
This dish for me screams family dinner.
It's made with care, it's made with love,
and it is easy as pizza pie,
meaning you and the Mrs. get maximum amore.
Robyn?
Strange circumstances for a first meet.
- Not for me.
- No, of course not.
Listen, uh, you must think, uh...
- I need to know what to expect if this thing drops.
- What do you mean?
- How many other women are gonna be making calls?
- dont...
Look, maybe in the past I've been a bit,
I'm on the telly and that provides opportunity and...
- This isn't the Leveson Inquiry.
Can we hurry this up, please?
- 1 love my wife. - How many women, Anthony?
- Such a fucking idiot.
- We're in the process of acquiring the images,
but the truth is the press have already had a sniff,
so if we want them to drop the bone,
we're gonna have to give them something better.
- What do you mean, something better?
- Something sympathetic.
Illness is always good.
Anything wrong with any of your kids?
- Excuse me?
- Downs, meningitis, learning difficulties at a push.
- No, thank God.
- Cancer?
- No!
- Oh, come on Anthony, work with me.
Wife, brother, sister?
You've seen the ads, it affects one in three.
- Sally's mother died of breast cancer,
but she was 87 and that's four years ago.
- So it's in the family?
That's good.
-Isit?
- Okay, I'm gonna hook her in for a mammogram.
I' know a clinic, it's a private place.
Maybe she found a lump, maybe her breasts were tender,
and as she tragically lost her mother to the disease,
she's gonna go in and get it checked out,
and you're gonna take her there and be by her side,
the supportive, wonderful husband that you are.
- Surely we can't just lie.
- Did you think we'd resolve this without lying?
‘Cause we can try that approach if you prefer.
- Sorry, but how exactly
am I supposed to get her to agree to this?
- With all due respect,
I'm sure you've lied to your wife before.
You'll figure it out.
Look, just tell her that you love her
and that you read an article about breast cancer rates
and you're worried
and you don't want your kids to lose their mother.
You'd be surprised what people will believe if they want to.
- Oh, it's, it's wrong, I mean,
why do I do this?
- Hey, Anthony, you can't.
- It's a nightmare!
- Hey, wow, okay, you can't do this here.
Ow, you're squeezing my hands.
Anthony, get off, get off.
Come on.
- Come on!
Come on!
- Hi, I'm the, uh, computer guy. - Hi, hi,
um, my, um, I'm Melody.
It's this one here.
I can't get it to work.
- It's your computer?
-No, I'm just an intern.
Um, it's Robyn's computer, Robyn's my boss.
- That's a pretty name.
Melody, not Robyn.
Well, Robyn's a pretty name too, but,
so, what did you say the problem was again?
- Okay, so,
so like, this thingy there, see, when I move that,
it doesn't move, so I can't.
- Yeah, it's just...
Wasn't switched on.
- Yep, that's really embarrassing.
- Just wasn't switched on.
- You know, I didn't even think to check the switch.
- I need you to book us somewhere for lunch,
fancy but cheap.
Somewhere I'll like that won't give me bread.
What's Harry Potter doing here?
- I was just fixing a thing for Melody.
- Yeah, it wasn't even switched on.
- No, it tums out, it's always the switch, so.
- Adorable, restaurant.
- Right.
- Once you've done that,
I want you to go through these for me.
What's this?
- It's Tinder, you're not familiar with it?
-No, I know what Tinder is, it's just-
- Great, go through, say yes to all the attractive ones,
but remember, you're matching with me, not you,
so standards high.
Be picky, nines and tens.
Working professionals, no beards, no glasses,
no tiger selfies.
If any of them message you, then you can discuss dinner.
Once they suggest a restaurant, Google it, look at the menu.
If you can buy a bottle of wine for less than 30 quid,
then tell them it's a no.
Keep Tuesday evenings free, that's when I do kundalini.
- Yep.
I'm still with Henderson.
Did you get the pictures?
- Um, yeah, I was just trying to email you,
but I couldn't get your computer to work, so.
Yes or no?
- Um, right, yes, I think.
She said she'd agree to sell them,
but they're not gonna be cheap.
I didn't know how much money you had around.
- It's fine, he can afford it.
Look, I need you to book a mammogram for me.
- A what?
For you?
- No, no, not for me, for his wife.
- His wife?
I'm texting you the number
of my guy in Harley Street.
He owes me a favour.
- Okay, um, what time do you...
- Did he try and fuck you yet?
- Jesus, no, Eve, the man's having a breakdown.
- Of course he is.
Has he started crying yet?
That's what tipped me.
- Love seeing a man cry. - Eve.
- Oh, come on, he must've done something.
He had his hand on my arse within three minutes,
knob out in 20.
- Well, maybe he just recognises
that I'm more professional than you are.
- Yeah, you're probably right.
Ciao, ciao.
- Sorry about that.
- It's fine,
but you're paying for the hotel and that's minibar whiskey,
so it's gonna cost you
about a term of your kids' school fees.
- Oh, best enjoy it then.
Mm.
Things haven't been great with me and the Mrs.
We haven't had sex for a year and a half.
- Anthony, I don't care.
- It's a sickness.
I'm an addict.
I can't help it, it's like diabetes.
- Then maybe you should stop putting your dick
in so many cakes then.
- You're a very cold woman, you know.
- I'm not gonna feel sorry for you
because you cheated on your wife.
- I'm a decent bloke, okay?
Yeah, I've messed around a little bit, but who hasn't?
I don't deserve to be crucified for it.
Seriously, this shit is terrifying.
Everybody's got a story nowadays, everyone.
I've got friends that will never, ever work again
because some disgruntled one-night stand
has pointed the finger at them.
And it goes both ways.
I've had to deal with my fair share
of clumsy passes from drunken women.
They follow me down to the toilet, they grab my arse,
but you don't see me calling Rupert Murdoch, do you?
- You done?
- I'm just saying, if I were a woman,
we wouldn't be having this conversation.
What's the difference?
- I would say the main difference is
that you haven't been told since you were 11
that every male you encounter
has the potential to rape and murder you,
followed by a life of pre-sexualization
catcalling and slut shaming
that fills you with so much guilt and fear
that when you're 16
and some kid starts choking you during sex,
either with his hands or with his penis,
‘cause he saw it in a bunch of porn,
you assume that it must be you who got it wrong.
So every time there's an inappropriate comment
or a hand on your thigh, you swallow it,
until one day the world says,
hey, actually maybe all that crap isn't your fault,
and the relief is so great
that shit just pours out of you like a tsunami,
and yes, like most tsunamis, innocent people drown,
but I am sorry that you've had to deal
with women you didn't deem attractive enough
grabbing your ass.
I appreciate that life has its challenges.
What?
- You don't give a fuck, do you?
- Should 1?
- 1 do love her, you know.
My wife.
And I love my kids obsessively.
You know that thing I said to you
about not having sex for a year and a half, that was a lie.
We have sex all the time and it's, it's great.
It's just sometimes I, um,
I like to fuck people that I don't love too.
- That feels like the first honest thing you've said to me.
I'm gonna make some calls, run up some photographers.
Stay here for a bit, get your head straight.
Why haven't you tried to have sex with me?
- Excuse me?
- If it's such an addiction,
why haven't you tried to have sex with me?
- Um, would, would you like me to?
- No.
- 1 can do if you want. - I don't want, thank you.
I'll be in touch.
- You're complicated.
You've got all this stuff going on behind the eyes.
I wouldn't even know where to start.
Course I'd like to have sex with you, but you're not simple.
- You only try to sleep with simple women?
- You want me to be completely honest?
- Why not?
- I'm intimidated by you.
- And why is that?
- Because I know you're more fucked up than I am.
- When you do it, does it make you feel better or worse?
- Both.
- Connor the cockerel was a game bird,
but sometimes the other chickens would laugh at him
because he was too flamboyant and his crow was too loud.
- Eve, um, Robyn wanted me to book...
- Look at this.
I mean, that's the stuff of nightmares, right?
- I need to book an appointment for...
- Look at that.
They're like prison drawings.
- 1 just need to know if I should call-
Um... - Connor, darling.
Yes, I did, I did,
and I'm looking at them right now.
They're beautiful, sweetheart.
Such a lovely simplicity about them.
I think it's right not to use colour.
It's so strong in black and white.
- Hello, is that Mrs. Henderson?
Yes, uh, this is Melody.
I'm calling from your husband's PR company.
Um, I'm just looking to book in your mammogram
for this afternoon.
I was just wondering what kind of times would be good.
Your mammogram?
Oh.
- Right then, so what happens now?
- 1 go and get on with my day,
you go home and speak to your wife.
Where are my goddamn underwear?
- Treat yourself to a new pair.
- They're not mine.
- You okay?
- Great.
- What are you angry about?
- How long you got?
- Hey, just so we're clear, who actually fucked who there?
- I'd say that I fucked myself and you fucked your wife.
I'll be in touch.
Nice working with you, Anthony.
- Melody, phone.
Right, Tinder update.
Jesus, okay.
Christ, right.
I can see I'm gonna have to go through
this whole thing again from the beginning.
I mean, what's the deal with this guy?
I mean, he's wearing a hat.
That should set off alarm bells for starters.
He's got a song lyric for his bio, for Christ's sake.
- I thought it was a poem?
- It's November Rain.
Thank God it's not a poem.
Then I'd be really pissed off.
Amateur hour, must do better.
- Oh, Robyn, I think I might've done something bad.
- You fucked him, didn't you?
- Look, before you say anything...
- I'm just saying, I know I can't judge,
but I thought you were better than me.
- I am better than you.
- Did you have sex with Anthony Henderson?
- So my guy at The Mirror called me.
Seems Patrick Andrews's little Spanish friend
from last night's been in touch.
- Cheeky father fucker.
I paid him.
- Mm, it gets better.
He's 15.
It's okay, he's sitting on it for now.
Says their cup overfloweth with pedo stories,
but wants something good to make it go away.
- Mm, tell him he can have the exclusivity
on Patrick and Bianca's wedding.
- Patrick Andrews is getting married?
-He is now.
They can announce it tonight.
- God, that poor girl.
- Poor girl?
What, living in a mansion
and getting an allowance to buy drugs and dresses?
That's the dream.
- Do you think she knows that he's
- Do you think she cares?
Give her her dues.
She'd have trawled Essex nightclubs for months,
sucking off a lot of frogs to get into his bed.
- And now she's found her princess.
- Aw, I love a foothaller's wedding.
We should all go.
Shits, giggles, drink free champagne,
laugh at the chavvy wedding dresses,
watch Melody get gang raped
by a bunch of drunken, sexually-repressed footballers.
- I don't think that's very funny.
- It wasn't a joke.
- Melody, get a ring biked round to Patrick's,
a big one, and send him the bill.
- Where are you going?
We're lunching.
- Going to the chemist.
You call your guy, yeah?
- Wait, I need to tell you that thing!
- Email me!
- Is that a gym selfie?
You're on your third strike, Bridget.
- How's it going?
- I'm all right.
It's just another day.
How 'bout you?
- Just another day.
- What did you do?
- Nothing!
- Robyn, you are less convincing
than my four-year-old telling me
that she wasn't the one who put LEGO up the cat's ass.
- I fucked a client.
Ooh, ow!
Careful!
You did what?
Robyn!
- I know, I know.
- What the eff?
- I shouldn't have told you.
- Well, you did.
Take that out of your mouth, please.
- What?
- Not you.
Well, actually, yes, you.
Jeez Louise,
I don't know what goes through your head sometimes.
Just don't think you get a free pass
just because today's today, you know?
It doesn't give you an excuse to be S-H one T-T-Y.
- Sh-one-ty?
- Yes, shwan-ty.
So is whatever it was out of your system now?
- It was never in my system.
It was just a stupid,
I did it because it was there
and I knew I'd get away with it.
It's my job to help him get away with it.
- Is it your job to fudge him?
- What does fudging someone mean, mummy?
- Nothing sweetie, do your colouring
and you can have some apricots, okay?
Do you see?
Do you see what you are bringing into my house?
So who was it?
- Does it matter?
- Well, that's a slutty thing to say.
- Anthony Henderson.
- What?
Oh, he is fine!
- You're supposed to be
telling me off. -lam,
but just because I vehemently disapprove
doesn't mean I need to be spared the sordid details.
My life is hardly inundated with smut these days.
The only thing keeping me awake at night
is screaming children or Mark's IBS.
I can't remember the last time mummy had some D.
Anthony Henderson.
Oh, I thought he was one of the good ones.
- There are no good ones.
- Well, you reap what you sow, my dear.
So, how was it?
- It was fine?
Blunt.
- Blunt?
Brilliant.
Thank you, E L James, for your fine erotic illustration.
That'll make a great addition to the diddle box.
Oh, I'll never be able to enjoy his aubergine gratin
in the same way again.
Were you wearing my underwear?
- I'll wash them. - Ugh.
- Oh, oh goddamn it.
I gotta go.
Taxi!
- She won't let you in.
She wants a divorce.
- Hold these.
Hi.
- Who are you?
- I'm Robyn.
I work for the PR firm that represents your hushand.
- Course you bloody do.
How did you get in?
- Bathroom window.
- You broke into my house?
Jesus.
You people are incredible.
What do you want?
- 1 just wanna fix things.
I'm leaving him.
- Why?
Okay, why now?
- Because I'm sick of being treated like an idiot.
Him cheating on me is one thing,
him thinking I'm stupid enough not to realise is another.
I know what he does,
but he could at least have the bloody decency
to stop getting caught.
There's nothing more pathetic than the wronged wife.
I cannot abide people feeling sorry for me.
- Okay.
What do you want?
You want him punished?
One phone call and I can have him on the front page
of every newspaper tomorrow, named and shamed,
broadcast to everyone you know and everyone you don't know.
Or you ride it out, you get over this hump,
and then, when the fuss has died down,
quiet and dignified, you get a divorce,
and you take that son of a bitch
for every single penny you can get.
- Did he fuck you too?
- No.
Six months.
I want a cookbook and I want to do Strictly.
- Do you want a grape, love?
- No.
Mrs. Henderson.
- I'll come with you. - Absolutely not.
- What did you say to her?
- Does it matter?
She's here, isn't she?
Photographers are outside.
You should probably go say something.
Worried, what a strain, respect your privacy.
- Can I ask you something?
- Shoot.
- Why did you have sex with me?
- To see how I felt.
- And how did you feel?
- I didn't.
Idon't.
Sorry, don't take it personally.
-No, no, I don't.
I just hoped that you might've had a better answer.
- Rub your eyes.
- Why?
- It'll make you look upset.
Anthony, Anthony, tell us, Anthony!
Anthony, is there anything you can tell us?
- Well, these obviously are very worrying times.
Immense stress on the family.
These are precautionary, precautionary tests,
and hopefully we'll get a.
- All right, darling.
Well, I think it's an excellent idea.
Well, we're always here, whatever you need.
Ciao, ciao.
Apparently some Ukrainian wrestler
just called Connor a gypsy on Insta,
so thankfully he's decided
to put his shy cock to bed for now
and focus on hitting men's faces for a little while longer.
Celebratory drink?
- I'd love to, but I'm destroyed.
- Oh, come on, don't be such a baby.
I've got an hour to kill before my date.
- Who do you have a date with?
- Melanie?
- His name's Peter, he's a GP.
- His name's Peter and he's a GP.
Is he the one who drives an Audi?
- Yes. - Drives an Audi.
- I'm so pleased to see you guys are bonding.
- Are you sure you can't manage a quick one?
- Maybe tomorrow.
- Oh, tomorrow, tomorrow.
It's enough to give a girl a complex.
- You're the only girl for me, sugar tits.
- I'll go for one.
- Oh.
Bless you.
- Um, look, I just wanted to say
I'm really sorry about phoning Sally Henderson.
- It's fine.
But in the future, just assume that we're lying to everyone.
Did you get my pills?
- Yeah.
Oh God, no, that's way too much.
- Call it wages.
-I don't get any -Keepit.
But if you tell anyone, I'l deny it and give you to Eve.
- If you were a woman, would you want to have sex with me?
-lam and I do.
- Good.
All sorted?
- He shall live to fuck another day.
-Hm.
- Caroline, do you ever worry about...
- If this is gonna be a question about existential angst,
I'm going to have to stop you there.
The world keeps turning, Robyn.
We just help push.
Oh, by the way, they found a shadow.
- What?
- In his wife's breast, from the scan, they found a shadow.
Thought you'd want to know.
Lucky.
She owes you one.
Ah, my date's here.
She works in accounts.
She's actually straight, but she's the closest I could find.
- Oh, shh, sorry.
He's beautiful.
Or she.
It, it's beautiful.
- You can have it if you want.
I'haven't slept in three days.
He.
-Hm?
-He's a he.
- It's hard to tell if he's happy or having a poo.
Oh, sorry.
- Oh, it's fine, don't take it personally.
I' mean, I love him and all that, but Christ, he is boring.
And selfish.
I' mean, all they do is eat, shit, cry, eat, shit, cry.
-I'had an ex like that.
- Mummy's losing her mind, isn't she?
Yes, she is.
See?
Nothing.
- Where's the father?
- At work.
Lucky bastard.
I'have a master's in criminal psychology
and the sum total of my conversation in the last four days
has been shushing, cooing, begging.
I went, I went out, left the house
with my jumper on inside out and back to front this morning,
and when I noticed, I didn't even bother to change it.
I' mean, less than a year ago,
I dropped a grand on a Burberry trench coat.
How was your day?
- My mother committed suicide a year ago today.
She jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge.
- Well, this is awkward.
I' mean, I'm so, I'm so sorry about your mum.
- It's okay, she was nuts.
My sister and I moved here to get away from her.
To be honest, part of you goes,
well, it happened,
so now I don't need to worry about it happening anymore.
- Mm, yeah, I get that.
- The real problem is the dread.
I feel like now she's gone, I'll take her place.
It's like looking at your reflection in a dirty pond.
Hm.
- Can I ask you a question?
- Yeah.
- Are you happy?
- I dunno.
Um...
I'don't, I'm just really tired.
- Me too.
You are a filthy, filthy man.
Mm, no.
Shit.
Enough.
Sorry, I've gotta go now,
someone more interesting has turned up.
Yep.
Ravi says hi.
- Hi, Ravi!
- All right, man.
I've gotta go.
Later.
Shit.
I'm sorry, I can explain.
- It's fine, you don't have to.
- I know I'm not meant to be smoking.
- Babe, it's fine.
How's Ravi?
- He's a terrible, terrible man.
He met this girl at the gym
that he's trying to get with, right?
And so he sends her a picture of his dick, as you do,
but instead of sending it to her,
he sends it to his estate agent, who is a dude.
- Christ. - Yeah.
And then he tries to style the whole thing out
by sending another message saying
that his phone had been stolen,
but he sent it from the same phone.
The guy's an absolute freaking car crash.
- Man, dick pics.
Who ever thinks those are a good idea?
They just look like a selfie taken by an angry sock puppet.
- Enough about Ravi's dick already.
How you doing?
Missed you last night.
How's Ruth?
This morning all go okay?
- It went.
- 1 did try calling you a couple of times.
- Yeah, I know, there was a crisis at work.
- When is there not?
- How was your day?
- Not good.
15-year-old girl thought itd be a good idea
to throw herself under a train.
They brought her in, absolute mess.
Looked like a Mr. Potato Head
that had been put together wrong.
Then her parents turned up.
Pretty shitty.
Hence the, uh.
- Okay, you win.
- Baby.
Hate to do this to you after such a stressful day,
but apparently your fertile window is closing.
I'd like to get in there.
Do you find it weird
that you have an app that tracks my womb?
-Do you?
- Can I just grab a quick shower first and wash the day off?
- Of course.
You sure you're okay, Rob?
- Peachy.
You all right in there?
- Yep.
Just dropped my toothbrush.
♪ High ♪
♪ 1t's all I want you to ♪
♪ And all I want is you ♪
♪ It's where it does ♪
♪ Just close my eyes ♪
♪ Let's stay high forever ♪